{"id":87024,"date":"2017-06-28T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-27T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/problogger.com\/?p=87024"},"modified":"2017-07-07T09:11:55","modified_gmt":"2017-07-06T23:11:55","slug":"psychology-comparison-stop","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/problogger.com\/psychology-comparison-stop\/","title":{"rendered":"The Psychology of Comparison and How to Stop"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Psychology<\/p>\n

By ProBlogger expert Ellen Jackson of Potential Psychology<\/em><\/p>\n

Bloggers, solopreneurs, consultants, writers, founders – we\u2019re solo species. Lone hustlers, \u00a0tucked in cafe corners with laptops and lattes. We\u2019re perched at breakfast bars tapping keyboards in the early morning light. Hunched at the spare room desk deep into the night.<\/p>\n

We\u2019re inspired and driven. Focused and fearless. Joyous in our independence.<\/p>\n

And often consumed by what others<\/span>\u00a0are doing.<\/p>\n

“How do my stats compare to hers?”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“His Facebook following is bigger than mine.”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Her Instagram feed is so slick.”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“Are they launching another <\/span>new product?”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

“I\u2019m falling behind!”<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

Blogging is ripe for comparison. We measure by metrics; social media, readership, subscribers, conversions. We lap up the data. We compare and contrast. Are my numbers good? Am I getting this right? Am I doing okay? Am I winning? Or losing?<\/p>\n

Isolation feeds the monster. With no colleagues to calm, reassure and soothe us, comparison messes with our heads. The human mind abhors a vacuum. We fill the space by watching others, measuring our performance against theirs. One question ever present: Am I doing okay?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Don’t Worry, You\u2019re Human<\/h2>\n

Comparison is not unique to the blogger and solopreneur. Humans are social creatures. We live in a network of others. We compare to understand where we fit. What\u2019s my social worth? How do I stack up? Who am I in relation to everyone else?<\/p>\n

Psychologists call this social comparison<\/a><\/span>\u00a0and it\u2019s fundamental to the human condition. We compare ourselves in every interaction; immediately, subtly, often unconsciously, We start as little children. Comparison is a strategy we use to cope with threats, build ourselves up and establish our identity in a world of others. We do it to learn who we are.<\/span><\/p>\n

Look down to feel better, up to feel worse<\/h3>\n

Social comparison exists in two types. We compare upwards and downwards.<\/p>\n

We look to people we perceive as less capable to feel better about ourselves. It\u2019s a boost to our ego and our mood. Downward social comparison, as it is known, helps us affirm and reassure. Compared to him, I\u2019m doing okay. I must be doing something right<\/span>\u00a0*Breathe out.*<\/p>\n

This feels uncomfortable but it\u2019s okay. Social comparison is a way to regulate our mood. It\u2019s normal human behaviour and most of us have the requisite social skills to keep our thoughts to ourselves.<\/span><\/p>\n

But downward comparison is a short term solution only. You might feel better for a while but it won\u2019t help you get more done. Productivity, success, even happiness are dependent on taking action. <\/span><\/p>\n

Tip for success:\u00a0<\/b>Do more than just compare. Rather than looking to others to manage your mood, set your sights on your goals and plans. The satisfaction you feel from achieving even one small task will give you a boost far beyond the momentary gain from comparing yourself to others<\/span><\/p>\n

Beware of Success<\/h3>\n

The danger is in comparing upwards.<\/p>\n

When we look to people we consider more successful or \u2018superior\u2019 in some way we risk despondency and derailment. It can flatten us and prompt us to question ourselves.<\/p>\n

My site will never look that good. <\/span><\/p>\n

I will never have stats like hers. <\/span><\/p>\n

I have no idea what I\u2019m doing. <\/span><\/p>\n

At its worst comparing upwards can be the path to defeat<\/a><\/span>. I will never do as well as him. I may as well give up.<\/span><\/p>\n

The perils of social<\/h3>\n

Social media is the ultimate upward comparison trap. Studies suggest that immersing ourselves in those feeds filled with beauty and success may damage our self-esteem and put us at risk for depression and anxiety. (e.g. Vogel et. al., 2014; Vogel & Rose, 2016)<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t despair!<\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not all bad news. When we feel good about ourselves and our progress, checking in on others\u2019 success is motivating. It\u2019s a kick in the pants to raise our sights and strive onwards. We push ourselves to achieve more. If she can do it, so can I – and I will!<\/span><\/p>\n

Our successful peers act as role models. Their achievements are our inspiration.<\/p>\n

The paradox? \u00a0When we\u2019re happy with our hustle we\u2019re not looking at others. Our heads are down. We\u2019re hard at work. We\u2019re not hanging out on competitors websites, or checking their social feeds.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s in our moments of doubt that we compare, looking for reassurance. On our best days we know where we\u2019re going. We don\u2019t need validation or support.<\/p>\n

But what do we do on those difficult days? How do we avoid comparison and the risk of defeat?<\/p>\n

Tips for avoiding the comparison trap<\/h2>\n

1. Be a racehorse<\/h3>\n

A racehorse does not watch his competitors. He is focused straight ahead and galloping towards that finish line. He knows where he is going and what he has to do to get there. Be a racehorse. Be clear on your goals, your finish line and the steps you <\/span>must take to achieve them. Everyone is running a different race.<\/p>\n

2. Know your motives<\/h3>\n

Why do you<\/span>\u00a0compare? Is it for inspiration and motivation? Or to manage your mood? Rising anxiety prompts us to look for reassurance and sometimes we compare to boost our self esteem. If you\u2019re using comparison to manage your mood, does it help? Or hinder? Would your time be better spent working towards your goals?<\/p>\n

3. Aim for personal bests<\/h3>\n

Comparison with others may be fraught with danger but there is profit to be gained from comparing with yourself. Look back and I ask, \u2018What have I achieved so far?\u2019 Regular review of your wins, no matter how small, boosts your mood. When you\u2019re feeling good you\u2019re motivated and creative. Worry less about how you compare with others. Focus on achieving your personal best.<\/p>\n

4. \u2018Don\u2019t compare your beginning with someone else\u2019s middle.\u2019<\/h3>\n

This quote from author Jon Acuff<\/a><\/span>\u00a0reminds us that we all start somewhere and we move at different rates. Successful people also have their struggles. They\u2019re just further along the path. \u00a0We\u2019re all human and fallible. We\u2019re also equally capable of greatness.<\/p>\n

What do you do to avoid comparison affecting your blogging mojo?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Photo by Scott Webb<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By ProBlogger expert Ellen Jackson of Potential Psychology Bloggers, solopreneurs, consultants, writers, founders – we\u2019re solo species. Lone hustlers, \u00a0tucked in cafe corners with laptops and lattes. We\u2019re perched at breakfast bars tapping keyboards in the early morning light. Hunched at the spare room desk deep into the night. We\u2019re …more<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":172,"featured_media":87029,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[786],"tags":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe Psychology of Comparison and How to Stop<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By ProBlogger expert Ellen Jackson of Potential Psychology Bloggers, solopreneurs, consultants, writers, founders - we\u2019r.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/problogger.com\/psychology-comparison-stop\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Psychology of Comparison and How to Stop\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"By ProBlogger expert Ellen Jackson of Potential Psychology Bloggers, solopreneurs, consultants, writers, founders – we\u2019re solo species. 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